Can’t elope tonight, Pop’s got the ladder! Heh…
Cantaloupe. A delicious summer treat. You love cantaloupe, but lord knows you don’t know how to chop it. Don’t be embarrassed, just read on.
STEP 1: Wash the melon.
It’s my understanding that the fruit touches poop when growing in a melon patch. If you don’t wash its exterior, you might slice the poop particles into the melon’s meat and infect yourself with E. coli.
STEP 2: Slice it in half.
The melon’s butt nub should be along the incision.
STEP 3: Slice it in half again.
Now you have quarters.
STEP 4: Half it again!
…into eighths! And scrape the seeds and goop off.
STEP 5: Remove the melon from the rind.
Slice where the orange meat meets the rind. Get rid of any green part of the melon, too.
STEP 6: Chop it up!
Once the rind is toast, chop that shizz up into smaller pieces. A whole melon = snacks for days.