Knock Knock.

Who’s there?


Cantaloupe who?

Can’t elope tonight, Pop’s got the ladder! Heh…

Cantaloupe. A delicious summer treat. You love cantaloupe, but lord knows you don’t know how to chop it. Don’t be embarrassed, just read on.

STEP 1: Wash the melon.

It’s my understanding that the fruit touches poop when growing in a melon patch. If you don’t wash its exterior, you might slice the poop particles into the melon’s meat and infect yourself with E. coli.

STEP 2: Slice it in half.

The melon’s butt nub should be along the incision.

STEP 3: Slice it in half again.

Now you have quarters.

STEP 4: Half it again!

…into eighths! And scrape the seeds and goop off.

STEP 5: Remove the melon from the rind.

Slice where the orange meat meets the rind. Get rid of any green part of the melon, too.


STEP 6: Chop it up!

Once the rind is toast, chop that shizz up into smaller pieces. A whole melon = snacks for days.




13 responses to “HOW TO CHOP A CANTALOUPE

  1. Thank you for teaching me how to cut a cantaloupe. But now I can’t get the idea of melon and poop out of my head. I don’t think I want melon anymore. Boo- hoo. :- (

  2. You mustn’t forget about the very retro melon ball scooper. They are two-sided with two different sized scoopers, enhancing the visual appeal of the balls. Sometimes balls are better.

    • A melon-baller is not a poor man’s tool. Alternatively, you can use a tablespoon or ice cream scooper, but using just a knife is both practical and efficient.

  3. mmmm…

    I could go for some sliced melon right now!

    How do you pick a ripe melon for optimal slicing?

  4. Pingback: Is this WEIRD? | dawnsdorkydisneydiary·

  5. best way to pick a good cantaloupe is to smell it… you should know what a good cantaloupe smells like and that is what your sniffing for. also the “web” on the rind of the melon should be wide and the color should be pale. not green!

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