Last weekend was Gay Pride, and the usually busy street corner where I reside in San Francisco’s Castro distrcit was teeming with celebratory pedestrians. I stumbled out of my apartment on Saturday, remorseful of both my hangover and the money I blew at a friend’s birthday dinner, and was shocked by the rainbow sea of people flooding the streets. My head was spinning. The feathers! The asschaps! Are those cowgirls? The boobies! There are kids here?! DECORATED WEINERS EVERYWHERE!

It was amazing, it was disgusting, but most of all, it was inspiring.

I was gonna have a bake sale.

I immediately called my friend Molly, who in my good fortune just moved to San Francisco for the summer. Since Molly only knows a few people and is down for anything, she surprisingly agreed to participate in my foolishly brilliant idea: I’ll bake two items, you’ll bake two items, we’ll set up on my stoop, have an effing bake sale, and make it rain dollas. And we did!


You gotta look cute.

You want to sell baked goods? You’ve got to look the part. Especially in a city like San Francisco where 9/10 baked goods are loaded with drugs. I stayed proud in a rainbow sundress, and upped the cute factor by donning a blue and orange patterned apron that I received as a gift last year. Wear the same clothes while baking that you wear at the sale. Apron included. If you smell like butter, and have flour on your garb, your outfit is authenticating your “fresh out of the oven!” claims. Be cute!


Pick your menu wisely.

Molly and I sold four kinds of goods at our bake sale, and I believe our varied and economically conscious menu greatly contributed to the success of our sale. Before you decide what to bake, give a good look around your kitchen. Make use of what you already have to stay as frugal as possible at the store. Make a few different kinds of sweets at different price-points to broaden your clientele.

Make adorable signs to advertise each of your baked goods. Experiment with different colors, fonts and prints! Be sure to have your prices stuck to the signs via post-it so you can adjust the cost if needed.

We baked and sold:

  • Fudgy Chocolate Brownies – $3 each
  • Peanut Butter Chocolate Chip Cookies – $2 each
  • Vanilla Funfetti Frosted Cupcakes – $3 each
  • Oreo-Filled Chocochip Cookies – $4 each


Set up stoop.

Bring a table from our apartment out onto your stoop, and arrange the goods and signs in a visually appealing way. Don’t wait too long after baking to set up, for the scent of fresh cookies will help draw in the customers.

Promote your bake sale by verbally assaulting passerby’s. Offer a deal to folks who can’t decide between a cupcake and brownie. Make sure parents know that the cookies are kid-friendly and drug-free. Sell your soul to sell your sweets, and you will make bank!!!
We made one hundred buckeroos. Follow these steps, and you can too!


3 responses to “BAKE $ALE

  1. Pingback: OREO-FILLED CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES | Tessa's Homemade·

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